Getting personal

Ok, I'm going to get personal in this blog entry.  I doubt anyone is even really reading it.  I mean there are billions of people in the world and you put something out there online, and in reality it truly can be obscure and never reach a soul.  This was going to be an outlet for me to put my thoughts out there into cyber space in hopes that maybe something I said could maybe, just maybe encourage someone somewhere in this little big planet of ours.  But fact is.....lately, I've been needing the encouragement myself.

There have been many big changes that have occurred in my life recently and still I am in limbo....floating around like a loose helium filled balloon over a forest of pine trees.  So often lately it seems like I'm losing my air and eventually going to pop from landing on one of those pine needles and be lost forever.  I'm not talking faith here....but myself.  Everything for the past few month's has felt like a wilderness.  I'm not alone.  I am surrounded by family who loves me, but yet, something is missing.  Connectivity.

We live in a day and age where social networking is supposedly bringing people together...but in reality it seems like it's tearing us apart from real human bonding.  All of us are seeking to belong;  to be liked;  accepted...loved.  Yet we live in an age of walls of isolation and our ideas of relationships are rated by how many friends we have on facebook or followers on whatever blog or twitter we have.  Yet, with all of this "social" networking people are more lonely than ever.  I guess this is where I am at.

One of the major changes was a big move halfway across the country.  I wish it was the picture perfect little package with job, home, moving truck, etc.  But it wasn't.  It was a leap of faith.  One leap where I felt pushed out of the boat to make.  I guess I wasn't budging on my own.  The jobs came pretty quick and with incredible favor.  Now though, how do I connect to others?  I have faith and I am passionate about my relationship with God and His Son.  I want to be a reflection of His light and love while I'm alive in this world.    sigh.....This entire journey has been challenging my attitude.  I have to choose how I'm going to react to our circumstances.  Be careful what you pray for I guess because if you pray for a pure heart.....you're going to be challenged beyond your comfort zone.  Hopefully you'll choose an attitude of gratitude rather than a pity party.  At first I found myself peeking into that party more than I'd like to admit.  I'll be honest...I can still hear the loud music no matter how much I try to distance myself from it, but I refuse to go back inside.  So...every time I here those negative thoughts pop up in my head I say to myself out loud something that opposes those thoughts even if my feelings aren't quite caught up with them yet.  Not easy but not impossible either....again, it's a choice.  Ugh...sometimes I don't like free will.  Some days I just want God to make me do what I need to do so it gets done.  He has my permission to kick me in the right direction!

Back to the lonely thing.  Where are the hungry people??!!  I went to church when we first arrived and loved the message the leadership was going to preach on:  The Kingdom of Heaven.  I mean YEAH!  After the very high tech video intro I was so geeked that I couldn't help but yell.  However......it was dead silence all around and my yelp was too obvious.  I wasn't embarrassed for myself, I was sad for the people.  HOW am I supposed to meet people in what's supposed to be a "safe and friendly" environment when all you can get is a pasty smile, a weak hand shake and crickets in the sanctuary?!  Yeah, I went a bunch of times.  Loved the messages and took notes in my heart.  God, where are your children?!?!

Now, I have this job that keeps me working every weekend and holiday.  Not so bad really, but it puts a damper on opportunities to meet people.  You know how it is in new work environments?  You are the outcast.  The awkward one.  But I don't want to be too friendly with people I work with.  Gossip!!!!  That's why!  I am grateful for the job and the socialism although limited.  It is a blessing.  We need the income.  But I want to connect to people, not just do business transactions.  Wilderness, floating above the pine forest.

What did Jesus endure when he went into the wilderness?  I read it and read it.  His life is our example right?  He suffered loneliness and isolation.  His only followers weren't on Twitter, but was Satan tempting him to worship him.  Here is God as flesh and having to wander alone in the wilderness of the middle east.  YUK!  That makes my mouth parched just thinking about it.  I don't like sand or even the mere idea of desert sand, or even of desert.  Nope, not for me.

Back to Jesus' experience.  What happened to Him for those 40 days and nights?  I mean we only glean a glimpse, but I would imagine it sucked.  I know what I"m dealing with is the pits emotionally.  Darned feelings.  And I have people around me.  But he was literally alone AND not eating - even worse.  Like salt on a 2 inch gash on the most sensitive area of your body.  Jesus....how did you do it?  What were your thoughts?  What did you feel?  How did you wrestle with your flesh and with Satan and not succumb to temptation?  Couldn't you have given us a little more input?  God, why do we feel alone when we are surrounded by people?  What is the problem here?

I thought I had friends from where I moved from, but I guess I was mistaken.  Getting really tired of hearing about how busy people are.  You have time to watch tv 4 hours a day or play on the computer for 2 hours doing absolutely nothing productive and you're too busy to write me back?  Ugh.  Yeah, said I was needing the encouragement.  I forgive them and let it go.  Que Sera Sera right?  Still miss them though, even if they have forgotten my friendship to them.

I'll write more later.  Have to go to bed now because, praise to God, I have a job!!!  :) 

Coping with the storms of life

Rain storms can be a good thing for our environment.  They are a necessity for nature.  Lightening provides nitrogen; rain nourishes and cleanses the earth.  There's many more benefits of storms but I'm not going to get into all of that here.  But what about the storms of life and the parallels from natures storms and our own?

Some have said (myself included) that they love a good thunderstorm.  This is certainly true when I am tucked safely in my home.  But driving in such a storm can bring on deep anxiety and stress.  A thunderstorm can put a damper on outside events because it can bring unexpected dangers.  Our first response with such storms is to find safety.  Whether getting out of the water when there's lightening or pulling off the road when the rain is falling so hard your vision is limited.  Whatever the situation we all instinctly protect ourselves from natures severe thunder storms.

What about the storms of life?  How does one prepare for those?  I don't know that we can, but rather get through them and wait them out.  Many of us have encountered many storms in our lives from financial strains and losses, to death, illness, disease, accidents, crimes, etc.  Yet, more often then not, most of us tend to get through them one way or another.  Still, there are so many emotions we encounter in the meantime:  fear, frustration, anger, confusion, sorrow, grief, anxiety, discouragement, hopelessness and more I'm sure.  How do we cope?  How do we allow ourselves to "feel" without letting our feelings take over?

Lord, my prayer to You is for peace through the storms of life.  It's so easy to get so focused on the circumstances that we lose our peace and get tossed around like wild waves in an hurricane.  You are the Lighthouse on the Rock I look to in the midst of the chaos, and I pray that as You call out to me in the darkness of the storm that I can hear and turn towards Your light.  Instead of fighting and kicking the torrential waves, help me to ride them until I am safe in Your presence, standing on a firm foundation.  I pray for hope to illuminate my heart and mind so I can with confidence trust the sun will shine on me again.

Lord, we can't avoid the storms of life because they just happen.  But my heart asks of Yours to be merciful and patient towards my own when I struggle with doubt and discouragement.  My promise to You is that I will praise you through the storms and trust You work all things out for the good to those who love you.  Thank You for the seasons in our lives that cultivate faith, trust, hope and courage.  Thank You for Your promise that no matter how dark our trials are You will never leave us or forsake us.  Although we may not understand, we can have peace in knowing You see the greater picture...the finished one.

A drop of light

As I was sitting at the dining room table this morning and battling discouragement, about to toss in the towel of my faith I glanced out my window at something that caught my eye. I saw a blinding little light in the tree in our yard. Something clicked in my spirit and heart at that precise moment and gave me hope again.

It's so easy to feel invisible in this world. A grain of sand lost in the sands of time. Feeling like we make no difference in this world of 7 plus billion people. Yet, the sands touch together. We as people are all affected by each other. Every grain of sand rubs against others.

This little bright twinkling light in the morning sun shared some encouragement with me. This little droplet of water was reflecting the radiant light of the great sun. I could see it in the bright daylight. There were no others to witness this little day time reflector, but I believe it was just meant for me to see. Maybe it was a strange coincidence but it returned to my heart hope. That in all things, as we reflect the Lord's light in this world, we can make a difference by touching the life of just one person. By this we've doubled our portion. Maybe then that person can light up and affect another and now our portion is tripled. And so forth.

My point is it's impossible to not impact the world we live in even as a lone grain of sand or a lone droplet of water. Whether we are rubbing up against someone and causing friction or being a reflection of the Light of the world we make a difference.

Lord let my light shine because You are my source. Forgive my faithlessness and help me to remain faithful when hopelessness abounds around me like a wild storm. Encourage my eyes to gaze towards Your glory so that I may reflect Your light right where You have placed me in this world.   

We've lost our way...

Jesus, forgive Your church.  My heart grieves over how lost we've become.  There are those who rejoice that the world hates us, yet it isn't because we are without fault like You were Lord.  It's because we are at fault.  The world hates us because we have been without love towards them or even worse towards one another.  In Your Word you said "If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. ..."  But You did good while you were in the world.  I know there are members of the Church that indeed ARE doing many good things.  But the part of the Body in the Western world is lukewarm, self involved, compromising, legalistic, self-righteous, critical, judgmental and without love.  They don't love themselves with the Love You've given us Lord!  We need You!!!  Forgive us Lord, we don't mean to be so ignorant in our ways.  We think we're doing right, but without understanding our worth to You we have gotten it all mixed up.  

We are a confused Body Lord.  Please enlighten us with Your heart towards us that we may reflect Your Love towards others.  Jesus, you never badgered, condemned, criticised or belittled the lost.  You loved them into Your Kingdom.  We need to be like You.  Give our hearts compassion again Lord.  Help us to forgive ourselves even so that we can extend that forgiveness outwards towards others.  Help us to cover over offenses rather than to take them on.  Humble our hearts towards Your heart Lord and give us eyes to see others as You see them.  You love those who hate you Lord and we too must love those same people.  

Forgive us Lord for our division.  The world sees we are divided and how can they possibly believe we have any answers at all when we build our earthly sanctuaries right next door to eachother and are without fellowship?!  God we have lost our way and taken a degree off course some time ago and now we are so far away from our original destination.  Lead us back on course that we may be partakers and distributors of Your glory here on earth and advance Your Kingdom.  Raise up Your people Lord to be a light in the world as You said we were to be!  Draw us together and may the world see this unity growing.  

If they are to hate us, let it be because we are a light that exposes the darkness, not because we offer them no hope.  We need to point to You in love, unity, with moral excellence and integrity Lord.  Help us to live lives of such love and goodness that You smile upon Your people and the world is affected by Your glory!

You have given us the Keys to Your Kingdom Lord, let us remember how to use them!