Ok, I'm going to get personal in this blog entry. I doubt anyone is even really reading it. I mean there are billions of people in the world and you put something out there online, and in reality it truly can be obscure and never reach a soul. This was going to be an outlet for me to put my thoughts out there into cyber space in hopes that maybe something I said could maybe, just maybe encourage someone somewhere in this little big planet of ours. But fact is.....lately, I've been needing the encouragement myself.
There have been many big changes that have occurred in my life recently and still I am in limbo....floating around like a loose helium filled balloon over a forest of pine trees. So often lately it seems like I'm losing my air and eventually going to pop from landing on one of those pine needles and be lost forever. I'm not talking faith here....but myself. Everything for the past few month's has felt like a wilderness. I'm not alone. I am surrounded by family who loves me, but yet, something is missing. Connectivity.
We live in a day and age where social networking is supposedly bringing people together...but in reality it seems like it's tearing us apart from real human bonding. All of us are seeking to belong; to be liked; accepted...loved. Yet we live in an age of walls of isolation and our ideas of relationships are rated by how many friends we have on facebook or followers on whatever blog or twitter we have. Yet, with all of this "social" networking people are more lonely than ever. I guess this is where I am at.
One of the major changes was a big move halfway across the country. I wish it was the picture perfect little package with job, home, moving truck, etc. But it wasn't. It was a leap of faith. One leap where I felt pushed out of the boat to make. I guess I wasn't budging on my own. The jobs came pretty quick and with incredible favor. Now though, how do I connect to others? I have faith and I am passionate about my relationship with God and His Son. I want to be a reflection of His light and love while I'm alive in this world. sigh.....This entire journey has been challenging my attitude. I have to choose how I'm going to react to our circumstances. Be careful what you pray for I guess because if you pray for a pure heart.....you're going to be challenged beyond your comfort zone. Hopefully you'll choose an attitude of gratitude rather than a pity party. At first I found myself peeking into that party more than I'd like to admit. I'll be honest...I can still hear the loud music no matter how much I try to distance myself from it, but I refuse to go back inside. So...every time I here those negative thoughts pop up in my head I say to myself out loud something that opposes those thoughts even if my feelings aren't quite caught up with them yet. Not easy but not impossible either....again, it's a choice. Ugh...sometimes I don't like free will. Some days I just want God to make me do what I need to do so it gets done. He has my permission to kick me in the right direction!
Back to the lonely thing. Where are the hungry people??!! I went to church when we first arrived and loved the message the leadership was going to preach on: The Kingdom of Heaven. I mean YEAH! After the very high tech video intro I was so geeked that I couldn't help but yell. However......it was dead silence all around and my yelp was too obvious. I wasn't embarrassed for myself, I was sad for the people. HOW am I supposed to meet people in what's supposed to be a "safe and friendly" environment when all you can get is a pasty smile, a weak hand shake and crickets in the sanctuary?! Yeah, I went a bunch of times. Loved the messages and took notes in my heart. God, where are your children?!?!
Now, I have this job that keeps me working every weekend and holiday. Not so bad really, but it puts a damper on opportunities to meet people. You know how it is in new work environments? You are the outcast. The awkward one. But I don't want to be too friendly with people I work with. Gossip!!!! That's why! I am grateful for the job and the socialism although limited. It is a blessing. We need the income. But I want to connect to people, not just do business transactions. Wilderness, floating above the pine forest.
What did Jesus endure when he went into the wilderness? I read it and read it. His life is our example right? He suffered loneliness and isolation. His only followers weren't on Twitter, but was Satan tempting him to worship him. Here is God as flesh and having to wander alone in the wilderness of the middle east. YUK! That makes my mouth parched just thinking about it. I don't like sand or even the mere idea of desert sand, or even of desert. Nope, not for me.
Back to Jesus' experience. What happened to Him for those 40 days and nights? I mean we only glean a glimpse, but I would imagine it sucked. I know what I"m dealing with is the pits emotionally. Darned feelings. And I have people around me. But he was literally alone AND not eating - even worse. Like salt on a 2 inch gash on the most sensitive area of your body. Jesus....how did you do it? What were your thoughts? What did you feel? How did you wrestle with your flesh and with Satan and not succumb to temptation? Couldn't you have given us a little more input? God, why do we feel alone when we are surrounded by people? What is the problem here?
I thought I had friends from where I moved from, but I guess I was mistaken. Getting really tired of hearing about how busy people are. You have time to watch tv 4 hours a day or play on the computer for 2 hours doing absolutely nothing productive and you're too busy to write me back? Ugh. Yeah, said I was needing the encouragement. I forgive them and let it go. Que Sera Sera right? Still miss them though, even if they have forgotten my friendship to them.
I'll write more later. Have to go to bed now because, praise to God, I have a job!!! :)
It’s ok to make mistakes and to learn from them. Isn’t it better to look into the mirror of
truth and improve oneself than to feed off the lies and become embittered in
self-pity? Yet, it seems we live in an
age of “self”-awareness in the negative context. Meaning, it’s all about “me, me, me” and what
can “I get” and what can you “do for me”?
Altruism is considered a prehistoric ideology and criticized by the
mainstream. Yet, the revelation is that
goodness is worth standing for. We meet
people along the way who encourage us to be better than the “norm” of
today. There are people who inspire us
to dream and to go after those dreams. Those
who lend out a hand to pull us up when we’ve been knocked down, and walk with
us a little longer to make sure we are strong enough to continue on. People who believe in us when we don’t
believe in ourselves and encourage us to step into all we can be and we're meant
to be. 
Thank You for those who are so gritty that you use them like
sandpaper to smooth my own rough edges.
For those who inspire and encourage and motivate me to move forward
towards the destiny you have for my life.
I pray for the strength and courage to stand against the “norm” of today’s
society and to keep compromise far away from my heart so that I can encourage
and strengthen others who desire to do the same. Let my life be an inspiration and a light to others
as those who have been a light and inspiration were for me. Link each one of us
together to become like a great chain connected to one another until we wrap
the world completely in Your love and goodness!